Some classics from
Rodney to bring smile to
Why we miss Rodney
Because he said ....
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last
night she used me to
time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog
on the lips, yet she
won't drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was
wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD COMEDY Classic One-Liners
I was making love to this girl and she started crying.
'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?'
She said, 'No, I hate
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a
two-bagger. That's when you
put a bag over your head in case the bag over
her head comes off.
I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to
cure sex offenders.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss
in the kitchen the
roaches hang themselves.
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got
arrested for mooning.
Caddyshack Poster 24x36 Chevy Chase Rodney
Dangerfield Ted (Edward) Knight
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked.
I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’
My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
I know I’m not sexy.
When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray “after” the meal.
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from
Chicago last night.
MY FAVORITE: My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy,
I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.
Bringing Back RODNEY DANGERFIELD COMEDY Classic One-Liners